A toast to you, Drama Couple - It seems like every single party I go to, there is one of these couples. One that “loves” each other so much that they can’t go one weekend without being on the brink of breaking up, before rekindling their magical relationship towards the end of the night… at least until the next weekend’s party.

This couple thinks they are perfect for each other because they are both fans of the Dave Matthews Band and bonded over this while they were drunk at a party one time. They were saying the L-O-V-E word after just two weeks and they don’t go five minutes without texting each other. God…(click this and skip to 1:00)

No you know I love me some lists, so here is a typical party timeline for this couple:

- Texting each other all day Friday. They’ve said “I love you” to each other 40 times before lunch time because they don’t have anything else to say.

- As soon as Friday night comes, this couple shows up at the party together at around 10:00 pm. (Sarcastic “Heyyyyyy!!!” from everyone)

- By 10:45 pm, the girl is already drunk off of two Burnette’s shots and a half of a beer. 

- By 11:15 the girlfriend finds out that the boyfriend was, at some point in his life, a long time ago, before meeting her, in a relationship, for a short amount of time, with a girl she has and never will meet in her entire fucking life. *Sigh*

- By 11:18, drunk girlfriend is locked in a bathroom (see Crying Girl) and crying about how much of an asshole her boyfriend of 2 weeks is because he has yet to share every single detail of his life with her over the past 14 days of their relationship. “What a FUCKING asshole”

- By 11:30, Crying Girlfriend’s fat friend lets the boyfriend know that his dumbass girlfriend is “piiiiiiiiissed at himmmmmmmm” and is locked in the bathroom, refusing to come out…. Boyfriend keeps playing beer pong and actually enjoying his life. “You’re a FUCKING asshole.”

- By 11:45, Crying Girlfriend realizes her boyfriend isn’t coming, makes an even bigger scene by leaving the bathroom to drink herself into drunken oblivion, trying to make her boyfriend jealous by hitting on some random nearby dude. Amazingly, rando-bro doesn’t want anything to do with a retarded drunk girl who keeps talking about her boyfriend. Who knew?

- By 11:50, boyfriend sees his girlfriend mean mugging him from across the room while simultaneously making herself look like a whore. He gets pissed.

- From 11:51-11:55, boyfriend confronts girlfriend about her acting like a total bitch. Score one for girlfriend! She has gotten the attention she was asking for, returns to the bathroom crying and locks it behind her, keeping her now pissed off boyfriend out. It’s on.

- From 11:56-12:30, girlfriend continues to cry in the bathroom, while shitting, while throwing up. Believe me, It happens. A lot. (Click it) Boyfriend is pounding on the door, trying to get past the troll of a fat best friend who guards it. Bitch. Meanwhile, his friends try and get the party moved elsewhere so that they don’t have to see their friend act like a total pussy and throw his night away to “the girl he loves” (bull shit)

- By 12:31, fat best friend gets hungry, goes to pantry to steal Milano cookies from party host, allowing boyfriend to enter bathroom, effectively ending his night. Sick bro. Bitch ate my cookies.

- By 12:35, boyfriend and girlfriend work out their differences and decide they are so in love with each other. And in love with DMB. He holds her hair back for her while she vomits, then they embrace and kiss. Yeah, something like this. They re-enter the party, to everyone’s dismay, then begin to be Touchy Feely Couple (see Touchy Feely Couple)

Fight, Make up, Repeat. 

Every. FUCKING. Weekend. 

One weekend it’s over past flames, another weekend its how the girlfriend is wearing a skimpy outfit. Either way, they’re together one week, apart the next, then back together, then apart. Over, and over, and fucking over again.

Regardless if they’re together or not, they fight every weekend, ruining our nights and making us all wish they would just light each other on fire and be done with it. Yes, I seriously wish they would.

And so, a toast to you, Drama Couple. Get out of the bathroom!!! I have to shit!!!…………. Oh, and we fucking hate you both.