A toast to you, Girl who thinks she has “way more guy friends than girl friends.” - I’m probably going to get some shit for this one because I feel like 75 percent of the girls I know feel this way. And in some cases, its true. Some girls just connect better with us guys. They’re more comfortable talking about sports and joking and having fun than they are with talking about how fat Julie has gotten since she broke up with Brad or how much of a slut Tina is for giving that guy a beej (blowjob) after dating him for “only like 3 months! OMG!”

Some girls almost always suck as friends. Sometimes it seems like there is a minority of girls in the world who are actually trustworthy, non-bitchy people you can actually enjoy being around. These girls are hybrids. They have found out how to be a genuinely nice person and good friend and still retain their girlyness. Its awesome. Bros love these girls. But some girls just straight up suck. 

If you tell one of these so called “girl friends” (notice the space between those two words) about how you secretly have a crush on Penelope, odds are that Penelope is gonna fucking find out…Probably within the hour. Thats just how some girls are. They’re manipulative, mean and dramatic and they make you want to break their nose with a 5-iron. That’s why I don’t blame some girls for wanting to be friends with guys instead of other girls.

I’m not saying guys are the best friends ever and don’t do any of this shit. Some guys are just as shitty friends as these girls. But guys forgive and forget. We don’t get drunk one night, bring up how Lana fucked our boyfriend before we did, yell at her to stop flirting with him, then proceed to pull her hair out of her head in some sort of awkward hug called a “cat fight.” (also very sexy)

So I have a problem not with girls that believe they have more guy friends than girl friends. This can be true. Some of my best friends are girls. What I have a problem with is the girl who clearly does not.

If this girl has a problem, she calls her girl friends, not her guy friends to cry. She shows up to parties with a group of girls, not guys. If she is bored, she calls her betches to come over and watch Dear John with her while they eat chocolate and talk about Tina…again. (Poor Tina)

She texts guys….but only if she’s trying to hook up with them. Trust me, guys do this a lot too. But we don’t go around saying we have “way more girl friends than guy friends.” Those who do are typically homosexuals. For some reason that’s just the way it is. So stop lying to yourself and everyone else. I’m sure you have one or two guy friends, but you definitely have a lot more girl friends than guy friends.

And so, a toast to you Girl who thinks she has “way more guy friends than girl friends.” Shut the fuck up. No you fucking don’t. Maybe if you blew as many girls as you do guys, you’d have as many girl friends as you do guy friends.