A toas to you, Girl who pretends to know sports - In my mind, there is nothing sexier than a girl who can talk sports. Especially basketball. In fact, the girls in my life who I have connected with most have always been big sports fans (especially this one girl who is also a Celtics fan) When I look for a girl thats a priority for me. Because when I get older I want to be able to take my girlfriend or wife to Celtics games with me and not have her be filing her nails or asking me whats going on the whole fucking time. (Pay attention to the game bitch. Those tickets are expensive.)

But what I hate, I mean absolutely despise, Is when a some people are talking about sports, and some girl who keeps commenting pretends she actually knows what she is talking about when, in reality, she could test as a legal retard.

“The Texas Cowboys are my favorite team. Yeah because my dad loves them and I love their colors…..OHHH and their star is pretty. My favorite player is number 1. What’s his name? Peyton Mannings, he’s hot”

Come on bitch.

OK where do I start…..hmmmmm…..OK here it goes:

- OK its the DALLAS Cowboys…by the way. Yes, that does matter…..Yes, I know Dallas is IN texas. But so is Houston, which has their own team, the Texans. No, not the Houston Texas, the Houston TexaNs. Yes Texans. Nevermind, lets move on.

- Oh your dad loves them? Thats nice. I sure hope he is a Cowboy fan for more than their colors and their pretty star….I hope. Unless you have two dads. Then it makes more sense.

- Your favorite player is number 1? Peyton Mannings does not wear the number 6 he wears number 18. In fact, Peyton Manning (notice Manning is singular here) he isn’t even on their team. Number 1 on the Cowboys is their punter….Are you sure you know what you’re saying?

If you don’t know what you’re talking about, shut the fuck up. Derek Jeter does not play Shortstuff for the New York Giants. And LeBron Bryant? Those are two different people.

Please. Please. No More. Please.

So anyway, like I said, it really turns me on when a girl can have a real conversation with you about sports. Any sport. Even baseball. Major brownie points. But If you TRY to talk sports and fail miserably, I would rather you look like Steve Buscemi than listen to you verbally butcher my favorite thing in the world, sports. At least then we might be able to have a conversation without me putting a needle in my ear.

And so, a toast to you, Girl who pretends to know sports, I hate you, we hate you. If you don’t know what you’re talking about then keep your fucking mouth shut. If you do know what you’re talking about…. give me a call ;)